If the hands of time will rewind for us all, back to where we made our career choice, would you change anything? Would you, really?
Today I sit here on my swivel chair staring at my laptop screen, thinking where the half of my 2020 run off to. Three months ago, I shared with you a life update that’s focused on the changes since quarantine life started rolling out. Now, it’s easy to say that nothing much has happened as most of us are stuck inside our homes but really, 24 hours a day in six months less the hours dedicated to sleeping and household chores which means I have roughly 2, 190 hours spent for other things. So what exactly happened?
Before I got laid off..
Before I stopped my home-based, part-time work, I spend four hours working on projects every day even on weekends. Another four hours go to attending my blog and writing a draft for my new post. After that, I then reserve an hour for my crochet hobby and my remaining three hours watching anime series. That’s it, a total of 12 hours that I spend on things that I’m working on.
Now, things have changed a little bit. I am not working anymore so my 12 hours are now divided into leisure stuff. Each day I now spend an average of about maybe seven hours sitting in front of my laptop, especially when I’m writing a new blog post. Take two hours from that and it’s the time I allocate reading other people’s blogs and a little bit of indulging myself on self-help videos.
In the evenings, I spend an hour learning how to play my new instrument (ukulele) and before bedtime, I give three to four hours binge-watching on an anime series called Food Wars. (Yes, I love watching anime series this much!!) However, if I’m going to be honest, I would say this is lame. How I’m currently using my time is lame. I mean, is this all that I can do?
I have been waking up late these past few weeks because for one thing, what is there to wake up to? Why would I commit myself to get up earlier when I know besides household chores and blogging, there is nothing else for me to do? Still, I must admit in retrospect this situation has made me more mindful of the things that I do every day because I don’t have to worry on project deadlines anymore.
Ikigai, is a Japanese philosophy that roughly translates to the reason for being. I was reminded of this concept as I reflect on what am I doing daily now that I am unemployed.
For a more elaborate discussion:
I’m not going to explain Ikigai any further as the two diagrams above can already give a clear overview but I would say, today as I sit here thinking and reflecting now that I have all the time in the world, where do I go? What do I actually do? What is something that would encourage me to revert back to having a structured routine? Do I apply for a new job knowing fully that I cannot commit all my time and effort to something that’s there for the sake of being there? What is it that I have at my disposal at this moment?
Two answers. This blog, and you.
Deciding to commit..
If I’m being honest, the growth of this blog is both exhilarating and scary. More and more people are getting attracted, some are looking for inspiration, some are unknowingly seeking out advice, and on my part, this means only one thing. I have to grow out of my current shell, not because of the pressure but because I am inspired and driven by the overwhelming support this blog is receiving.
I am not saying this blog is now huge, no, nothing like that but the thing is, it doesn’t even matter. What matters to me is that I am seeing a growing number of people who are thoughtfully commenting on my posts, e-mailing me, and some are even sharing bits of their life stories, relating with me.
You guys, this is for you. I am now nearing my thirties, not yet married, no children, unemployed, this is what I want to do for you, and yes for me too. Break out of my current shell. I want to pour every life lesson I have learned and still learning on this blog. I want to embody the kind of person that I needed but sadly was not present when I was failing here and there, getting looked down by colleagues, feeling lost and alone, misunderstood, falling apart.
This will be my reason for being.
In 2018 I quit my job to pursue and try other things, ideas that I overlooked because I was focused on rising up on the corporate ladder. It took all the guts and courage to hand in my resignation letter but deep down I know that there is only one, singular reason that pushed me to finally do it. It was fear, specifically two fears madly trying to outweigh each other — the fear of stepping forward versus the fear of stepping side-ward.
If I go forward, that means I am choosing to continue my journey on my current path with my career but if I go side-wards then that means I am opening doors to paths that I did not know exist at all.
As some of you may know, I am a civil engineer by profession. I took the degree mainly because of financial security reasons but in the end, I guess I would rather have it as a part-time job and commit myself to do something creative. I want something that would spark joy as a result of an action, and by writing content that helps me reach out to people especially those who are struggling in the same boat as I am, I am able to get a sense of pure fulfillment as if my existence is meaningful. Sadly, this is something that I find bland and lacking in my professional career.
Do I regret that I took an engineering degree? You may be surprised but no. If the hands of time would turn around for me, I still will choose to go through the dark academic tunnels of my chosen career, and the reason is simple. The failures and the breaking molded me into who I am today. It was tough, but it guided me to the things that are meant for me so yes. I will do it again.
A new chapter..
Today, I want to share with you something that I am ready to commit to. This is nothing too big but, I really want to improve myself so decided to enroll in a few online courses in relation to practicing self-care and mindfulness. I feel excited to be a student once again. Wish me luck!
The downside however is, because I want to fully engage, I may have to temporarily drop our Top Blog Posts of The Week Series to make way for extra time. I know some of you have been enjoying it and I do too but rest assured that I will re-open it once I’m done with my classes.
I’m now ending this post here. I hope you guys are well and safe. Lovelots.
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