I Am Not Coming Back

Go and make something beautiful of your life and I promise you, one day you’ll forget he was ever there. — Lang Leav

I’m sorry you might be a bit surprised. You’re so used to dangling the meat before my eyes because you knew eventually I’d take you back but not this time.

It’s funny how I once was this little loyal puppy you’d put on some fancy leash and take for a walk in the park. We would stroll but your eyes would be wandering about, lingering at some nicely groomed breeds. I would argue with you but you’ll be threatening me with the G-word.

You would stay away for quite some time and when things get a little lighter and I’m not chasing you anymore you would be back at my front door with a slice of fresh new meat and a gorgeous new leash. Wow. I would slam the door at your face in two seconds but I’d be back in your arms by the next hour.

Not anymore. This time I am giving you the G-word. Goodbye.

I’m saying goodbye to all the hazy memories of laughter that I could not even remember.

I’m saying goodbye to you.

You pushed me too far. I grew tired and exhausted. I felt like nobody but I guess things do actually come around. I realized I am not a puppy.

Nah. Don’t get me wrong. This is not about you being mean. This is about me being foolish. I could have burned the pictures a long time ago, packed my stuff, and booked a cab. I could have changed my number and hanged out at parties without you. I could have gone out with a new one and flirted around that concrete bench by the gate at the old school.

I could have ignored your greetings, your smiles, and even your presence. I could have snubbed you but I didn’t.

I didn’t because I let my world revolve around you. I allowed myself to settle for scraps of attention. I allowed myself to get used to being set aside like an optional menu. I allowed myself to stay on the same old stinking table waiting to be served with some nasty dish because I thought I would starve.

I’m done. I’m done with it all.

This time I’m pushing myself away from the table. I am ready to walk out and take some of the long-craved fresh air.

Maybe I loved too much that I forgot myself. Maybe I gave too much that I depleted.

Maybe I thought I was risking and there was a chance of happy ending but in reality, my coin was tails on both sides and the odds were negative right from the start.

In all these thoughts I am beginning to understand.

We are not meant. That is all there is.

Still, thank you anyway. It was tough but the scars left me with a lesson.

I am a person. I deserve to be treated like one.

Hello! Thank you for reading this from The Mindful Modus.

Hello my name is Princess of The Mindful Modus, a blogger on a mission of helping people redirect anxiety by integrating mindful practices to everyday, mundane self care routines. All the contents of my blog are decaf-initely free but a coffee can greatly help me stay awake! Thank you so much!

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