Go and make something beautiful of your life and I promise you, one day you’ll forget he was ever there. — Lang Leav
I’m sorry you might be a bit surprised. You’re so used to dangling the meat before my eyes because you knew eventually I’d take you back but not this time.
It’s funny how I once was this little loyal puppy you’d put on some fancy leash and take for a walk in the park. We would stroll but your eyes would be wandering about, lingering at some nicely groomed breeds. I would argue with you but you’ll be threatening me with the G-word.
You would stay away for quite some time and when things get a little lighter and I’m not chasing you anymore you would be back at my front door with a slice of fresh new meat and a gorgeous new leash. Wow. I would slam the door at your face in two seconds but I’d be back in your arms by the next hour.
Not anymore. This time I am giving you the G-word. Goodbye.
I’m saying goodbye to all the hazy memories of laughter that I could not even remember.
I’m saying goodbye to you.
You pushed me too far. I grew tired and exhausted. I felt like nobody but I guess things do actually come around. I realized I am not a puppy.
Nah. Don’t get me wrong. This is not about you being mean. This is about me being foolish. I could have burned the pictures a long time ago, packed my stuff, and booked a cab. I could have changed my number and hanged out at parties without you. I could have gone out with a new one and flirted around that concrete bench by the gate at the old school.
I could have ignored your greetings, your smiles, and even your presence. I could have snubbed you but I didn’t.
I didn’t because I let my world revolve around you. I allowed myself to settle for scraps of attention. I allowed myself to get used to being set aside like an optional menu. I allowed myself to stay on the same old stinking table waiting to be served with some nasty dish because I thought I would starve.
I’m done. I’m done with it all.
This time I’m pushing myself away from the table. I am ready to walk out and take some of the long-craved fresh air.
Maybe I loved too much that I forgot myself. Maybe I gave too much that I depleted.
Maybe I thought I was risking and there was a chance of happy ending but in reality, my coin was tails on both sides and the odds were negative right from the start.
In all these thoughts I am beginning to understand.
We are not meant. That is all there is.
Still, thank you anyway. It was tough but the scars left me with a lesson.
I am a person. I deserve to be treated like one.
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